Thursday, February 4, 2016

500 Words. Day 3. My hips don't lie

I’m finding that it’s easier to write these days using the prompts that Ive been giving for my vlogging challenge. Taking my mind off of the task to try to figure out what to write, so that my fingers can simply fly over the keys as the words spill out. I’ve finished recording my video for today, and decided to start writing while it’s processing.

Today’s prompt is fitting perfectly with my desire to write about embodiment: what made you happy and sad today. If this isn’t a loaded fucking question with the way my life is at the moment.

Off topic: I bought a bag of Scandinavian Swimmers from Trader Joe’s. It’s their fancy, adult version of fruit snacks. They are fucking addictive. A serving size is 9, and I’ve only had them since last night, and the bag is already 2/3 of the way gone. This is why I can’t have sweets around me. I just want to gorge myself. Sugar is way to addictive for me.

Anyways… Was that a form of procrastination?

While I was working today, I noticed that my right hamstrings and my right gluten were sore and starting to hurt. As they day progressed, the pain was getting more noticeable, and it felt as if my entire right hip wanted nothing more than to tighten up and stop working. Subtle waves of nausea would hit me when I would need to lift my hip to walk, or if I shifted my weight from my right leg to my left. All I wanted to do was stretch my leg. Modified pigeon on a chair (because I have to stand all fucking day at work) or bending over into forward fold. But today was the day I decided to wear a dress to work because it was going to be 64º in February. So I suffered. 

As soon as I was done, I drove straight home and proceeded to lay on my floor and stretch the living daylights out of my hips. Nothing helped, and as I continued the nausea increase and then slowly morphed into sadness. 

The desire to cry was so there, but the emotion wouldn’t come. It lingered, simmering just below the surface. 

I went to the yoga studio (how fucking cool is it that I now have a studio to go practice in because i teach there?!) for class and since no one showed up I got to practice at my own pace. On my way home it hit me: I’m sad about how everything turned out with my home situation. I know that what is going on is for the best, but I am upset that I have to move AGAIN, after moving in September. I’m also upset because I really like the area that I live in, and even thought I’m super excited about where I am moving, It frustrates the hell out of me that I just came back to this neighborhood and now I’m leaving. I just want to yell and scream and cry. It’s overwhelming. 

To add a fucking cherry on top, I’m starting to get anxious about money, but that's a whole different blog topic. 

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