Thursday, May 28, 2015

500 Words. Day 6. The hurt feels so good.

Keep your heart open and shine your love into the world

"I hurt you pretty good last time. Do you want the same today?"

Normally when one hears those words, the immediate gut reaction is "No!" Who in their right mind wants to get hurt? When you are talking with your massage therapist who does a number on you involving neuromuscular, myofascial release, and probably some magic, you readily purr "yes, please. The hurt feels soooooo good."

I chose not to go with the hurt today. My body and spirit were feeling more relaxation and floating, then working through layers of pent up emotion laying dormant in my neck. There is always next session for that.

But wait, why do we readily accept and move towards pain in a therapeutic setting, yet we run from the pain of heartbreak, rejection, expectations unrealized? Are they not both situations where the discomfort can be a tool for opening up, healing, moving forward?

I find myself becoming very self-aware and introspective while my therapist is manipulating my neck in such a way that I feel that my head may very well turn completely around as if I'm starting in The Exorcist. Falling into myself, I can't help but get caught up in the feelings that surface and break free while experiencing this work. I welcome the rush of sensations as pent up repressed feelings such as anger, sadness, frustration, disappointment become realized. The crying, if it happens, is cathartic and reminds me of a dam breaking loose.

Crying after heartbreak or rejection can feel just as cleansing. But what about the awareness of discomfort, and anger? We run from that, we want to pretend those feelings don't exist. Our spirit animal becomes the Ostrich who sticks their head in the sand. Why do we not want be confronted with the pain, and give ourselves the opportunity to become more intimate with our desires. This is the space that growth occurs. Where the setting of boundaries starts to materialize. Where we being to experience communion with self, physical and spiritual.

Yet humans constantly suppress and push down, never giving their feelings the ability to be realized. This is how pain and discomfort is manifested in the body. Your glorious body is trying to tell you that you are hurting emotionally when pain arises and stays for an extended period of time.

When we open ourselves to love, while we live with an open heart, I believe that on some subconscious level we know the uncertainty involved. There is a risk of pain and hurt, but it is only in the beginning of such affairs that we accept it. If the end ever does occur, we can not fathom or justify the distress. Why not? Knowing that there is a possibility, why would you not welcome the other, the shadow side, of the "happy feelings"?

Only in those moments when we are open to both the light and dark side of our emotions can we sit with them and be open and perceptive to what we are to learn. If we can remain open and vulnerable, allowing ourselves to really feel all of the feelings, I believe this is where the true magic happens.

*musings courtesy of the Kale & Cigarettes "not a challenge" experiment

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